Oct 20, 2011

Opening Up About Infertility

I am very open about my infertility. I never felt the need to hide it from people, just look at my About Me page to confirm this statement. But I know that most women choose to stay quiet. I think it's because there are some extremely judgemental people that are against infertility treatments. Mostly because they don't understand infertility, and they only think about the Octomom.

I chose to end friendships with two women because of their comments over me going through IVF. They had some pretty nasty things to say to me that I wasn't interested in hearing. So I understand why so many women choose to stay quiet. It's hard to hear people's opinions about something that is so painful.

I was very excited when my November issue of REDBOOK came in the mail and they had an article on infertility. I'm so happy that someone is bringing a spotlight to this issue. You can read the article here.  In the article they listed four things never to say to a friend who's been trying and I agree with all of them and I'd like to add one.

Things Never Say to a Friend Going Through Infertility

1. Just relax and you'll get pregnant.
Relaxing does not cure medical problems. Infertility is a medical problem not a stress condition.

2. If it's meant to be you'll have a child.
Really? You mean there is something so wrong with me that my body decided to have medical problems to stop me from becoming a mother? Can you explain crack babies to me please? And use that same great logic you used to tell me that I may not be destined to be a mom.

3. So, are you pregnant?
So, are your boobs real? Did you and your husband have sex last night? Trust me, I'll tell you when there is news there is no need to ask me.

4. Why don't you adopt?
Let me get this straight, only women with fertility issues should adopt.

And my addition......
5. All my husband had to do was look at me and I got pregnant.
Super supportive and helpful. If I said all I have to do is look at a treadmill and I lose weight, how would you feel? (For the record, this is not true, oh if it was though!)

I am really happy that REDBOOK teamed up with RESOLVE to bring a spotlight to this issue. If you're struggling with infertility, you can go to RESOLVE's website for support or more information. And try to stay positive, there are success stories like mine at the end of the long, rocky road that is infertility.


  1. Thanks for sharing this. I've cringed most recently about what my husband told me he said to a coworker who is struggling with infertility.

  2. I feel the same way about being single at 33.


  3. There are so many well intentioned but oh so hurtful words said to 'support' someone while they're struggling with the loss of a pregnancy and the frustration of infertility. :(

  4. I hear ya! Some people can be so insensitive...not even knowing it. Because of my own personal struggles, I am VERY careful about what I say, IF I say anything to anyone trying to get pregnant!


  5. Boy, can I relate. My husband and I dealt with four years of infertility, and the end of this summer we were shocked to find out we are now pregnant (thirteen weeks this coming Monday). A year ago this coming November we finally gave up trying, and just left my body to its own devices, figuring we'd approach the adoption thing in a few years when we were financially ready to tackle it. So as you might imagine, when we became pregnant with not planning whatever, we got a LOT of those "relax and it will happen" comments. "See? All you had to do was (give it to God)(relax)(stop trying)(have a little fun) and you got pregnant!" SERIOUSLY. NOT. COOL. So, the real story? I lost forty pounds in six months, twenty-nine of those pounds in three weeks while on a medical diet. I stopped eating any sugar at all for six months, letting my body heal from Candida overgrowth. I didn't "just relax". In fact, I got pregnant during the most stressful three week period of work I've had in YEARS, and a scant five or six weeks after being hospitalized twice with debilitating pelvic pain! Let me tell you, it's been rough hearing those things, even though I'm now pregnant. That's another thing - am I the only woman who still feels like an infertile even though she's expecting?? I am so tired of hearing people talk as if those four years count for nothing. As if those two miscarriages don't matter. Yes, this baby is precious, and I am overjoyed! But I suffered. And I think that should count for something.

    Sorry for highjacking your thread, I can't talk about this on my own blog :(


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