Mar 7, 2012

Pour Your Heart Out: On Saying Goodbye


Yesterday was a very sad day in our house. Two years ago we found out that our dog Sierra had tumors in her spleen. And since we had already removed three tumors, we decided not to operate on her again. She was still healthy and happy, our vet said that she had some time before she would need to be put down.


We've noticed over the last few months that Sierra was eating less and getting a little slow. But she was still a happy girl. Last week she stopped eating her dog food. The kids love eating lunch outside and they always feed her a part of her lunch which she happily ate. We were really concerned about her and I gave her some scrambled eggs yesterday morning. When she wouldn't even get up for her favorite people food, I knew it was time.

We told Isabella that we were going to to take Sierra to the doctor and she burst into tears. I guess we talked about Sierra in front of her without realizing it since she knew something was wrong. I told her that Sierra might have to stay at the puppy hospital so she should give her a hug just in case she had to stay.




It broke my heart watching her say goodbye to Sierra. I knew it was most likely her last hug with her beloved puppy. When she said that Sierra was her best puppy and that she needed to take care of her and protect her I couldn't help myself, I cried.

The vet told us what I already knew, that it was time to put her down. She was in pain and she had lost 25 pounds. Saying goodbye to her was so sad. I didn't think it would be that hard to say goodbye. We cried and cried and Brett and I both stayed with her while they put her to sleep. We went home and told the kids. Mark and Molly don't get it at all since they are too little to understand. Isabella kinda gets it, but she keeps asking when she'll see Sierra again.



We went to bed last night before 9. I can't remember the last time I was so emotionally exhausted. I have lost people in my life and haven't been this sad. I'm not really sure what that says about me, but I know what it says about my dog. It's hard to believe that she's gone. She was our kid before we had kids. We joke that she was Brett's whole world before I came along. And after almost 13 years together, he had to say goodbye. But she lived a good life and we loved her very much.

Our backyard seems empty and sad this morning. I wish I didn't have to be a mom today so I could wallow in my sadness. I'm not in the mood to slap on a happy face and play with my kids. I want to watch mind numbing TV and ignore the world. But that is not going to happen and it's time for me to get off the computer and face reality.  And when Molly ran to the back door to see her puppy first thing this morning, I realized that I will be sad for a long time. And I think that's a good thing, it means our lives were better with Sierra in it.


14 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. xo

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  2. Pets are truly members of the family. When I lost my cat after almost 19 years it was terrible. I know exactly what you mean, it can be worse than when people die. So sorry for your loss.

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  3. I'm so sorry. Sierra was clearly a very loved member of your family. (Found you on the PYHO linkup.)

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  4. Awww... so heart breaking :(

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  5. Pets are members of our families, so sad for your loss :(

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  6. So sorry for your loss, and can feel the ache in your words. thinking of you and sending comfort. *HUG*

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  7. I'm so sorry for your loss. We had to put a beloved pet down last year (my cat who I'd had since before I was even married). So I feel your pain, it was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do.

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  8. Aww...this post brought tears to my eyes! I know I already said so, but I'm really so very sorry. I remember losing my first cat and thinking about it can still make me tear up. Pets are family members too. Big hugs to you.

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  9. I know completely how you feel. I still ache sometimes over losing my childhood dogs that grew up with me and I know I will be just as sad when we put our current dog down. Just remember that you gave her a loving home and she knew she was loved. And you have all the memories as well :)

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  10. Totally 100% get it. Looking at the pic of Isabella hugging Sierra for the last time instantly made me cry. It's so hard on us adults, but geez, the kids too. It's hard to even think about. Our pugs are definintely family members too. So hard, so so hard =(. Thinking of you!

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  11. I'm so sorry. We had to put our cat to sleep when he got a rare (fatal) illness and it was seriously the hardest thing I ever had to do and something that I struggle with a year and a half later. I had never been so upset and just totally heartbroken in my life. I hope that all the good memories you have of Sierra will bring you & your family comfort--it's clear that you loved her very much and gave her a good home.

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  12. I think it is because we don't pick our people family, they are given to us. Our pet family in a lot of cases choose us, and we choose them. I was a basket case when my parakeet died when I was 14. My friends were like really? its a bird. I had him 9 years and he had a unique personality like any other pet. I started crying last week when I realized two of my cats are now about 8 years old. I couldn't believe that are at or approaching mid life.

    A few years ago a coworker had to put his doggie down and called in and asked for that night off (he worked second shift). Our manager was kind of a jerk to him and the whole department laid in to the manager saying he obviously has never had a pet because if he had, he would understand you need time to grieve!

    From the pictures I can tell how beautiful she was, and how much she was loved. I hope you can find time to grieve on your own and just zone out for a while in the next few days!

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  13. I'm so sorry. This brought tears to my eyes. I remember losing our family pet. The house felt so empty without her. It's tough , I know.

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