May 2, 2012

Things I Can't Say-to Moms


I have a parenting experience that is somewhat unique. I have a daughter and boy/girl twins who are 21 months apart, and my son has Cerebral Palsy. There are not many moms out there who can identify with my parenting situation. And that fact leads to many things that I can only think but never say.

For instance

Moms complain about their kids walking too early or learning to climb the stairs. They usually follow said statement with a "my life is changed forever" or "why is he/she walking so soon, it's not fair." I keep my mouth shut because I really don't see the point in saying anything. But on the inside I'm screaming no you f''in idiot it's not fair that my son is brain damaged! Your child walking is a normal part of life not a conspiracy against you. Are you really complaining to me about this? Really?

When a mom complained (to me) about a special needs child being in her daughter's swim class because said special needs child took up more of the instructor's time. And I quote "I mean really, her kid doesn't belong in a class with normal kids, she should take special swim classes. She doesn't belong here with normal kids" I kept my mouth shut which is a miracle very unusual for me. On the inside I had thoughts that are not appropriate on this blog. I bet you can imagine what they were though.

Or anything that comes after the phrase "if I were you I would....."

I've learned the hard way to smile and say OK. That shuts the conversation down and there is no more discussion. But there are many things that I can't say after that phrase. Such as well you're not me so shut up. Or why do you think you know what you would do in my situation without walking 2 steps on my journey? Are you psychic? Do you have a crystal ball? A time machine? How is it that you know with such certainty what you would do if you were me? We have different experiences, faith backgrounds, financial situations, education, etc so perhaps no you have no idea what you would do if you were me. And did it ever occur to you that your opinion is unwanted? Afterall, it is the reason why I didn't ask for it. Oh hey if I were you, I really wouldn't eat those chili cheese fries since you're over weight. Oh wait, I offended you? Hmmm...........

11 comments:

  1. If only they would think for 2 seconds before opening their mouths...

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  2. If only people had filters for their mouths. I can admit, that a long time ago, I learned that you should think before you speak. Words cannot be taken back.
    Sorry that you've had to deal with people who can't seem to be respectful.

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  3. I say next time let 'em have it sister! I have gotten to the point where having a filter only makes me more frusterated and it's not worth it. While it is hurtful, I don't think people realize how harmful their words are. They need to know how their words make you feel, so tell them, with tact (which is the most difficult part)of course.

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    1. I have a strong lack of tact in the diffcult moments which is why I stay quiet.

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  4. I really dislike insensitive people! And reading this just reminds me and pushes me to watch what I say and treat others with sensitivity because you just never know what other people are going through.

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  5. I wonder sometimes if people rush to fill the space because they just don't know what to say, and end up saying something hurtful without realizing it.

    I know I have been guilty of this, and work to be more careful of my words. Posts such as yours are a great help and reminder to all of us to be more aware of where each other is in their lives. It also is a real good reminder to remember to be grateful for all that we have, as you note, such as children who are walking.

    Thanks for the awareness raising today!

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  6. A great reminder to watch what we say.

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  7. This post was soo awesome!! I agree with Erin on this one.....people that are not familiar with these situations dont know the details or struggles that you may deal with. I could understand keeping quiet while people complain there child walking or talking or whatever but about the swimming comment I probably wouldnt have went off but just reminded the woman how rude and judgemental that comment was..."really? how would you feel if that was your special needs child" "How would you feel if your child was a special needs child and just wanted to do something "normal" with "normal" children her/his age" Special needs children get treated special they yearn to be normal and how dare her sit there and judge a child like that who does she think she is? I dont know anything about what you go through but kudos to you for being so strong!!!

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    1. Thanks, it was really hard to keep quiet but it was for the best in the long run. Of course it stuck with me since that comment was made a year ago.

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  8. It would be SO HARD to keep my mouth shut if I heard some of those things!

    Thanks for linking up- I'm super late visiting all the links, but I did want to visit them all. :)

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