Jun 13, 2012

Do You Tell the Truth?


Do you tell the truth when someone asks how you are doing? Or does the conversation go something like this?

Person-How are you doing?
You-Fine, how are you doing?
Person-Fine

Why do we say that we are fine when we are not fine?

For me, it's such an automatic response to the question that I don't even blink when I tell the lie. In fact, it's such an automatic response to the question that it doesn't even register as a lie until later. And I wonder why I didn't tell the truth later. Why didn't I open up about the rough day I had or how I'm struggling with Mark?

It's not like I try to portray this perfect image of myself. I'm not one of those moms who act like they have it all figured out and don't struggle. (If you don't believe me, just read this blog regularly or ask my friends.) When I'm struggling with the girls getting out of bed during naps, I ask for help. Potty training advice, I ask for help. How do I get my twins to stop fighting all the time, yep I asked for help. Although I haven't found an answer yet.

But when it comes to opening up about how I feel, I clam up and say I'm fine. I don't want to tell people the truth about how hard some days are with three kids under the age of 5. Or how hard it is when Mark's legs cramp up and he screams for hours. I don't want to complain or deal with people's reactions so I just say I'm fine.

Even though I'm not.

8 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Always here to hear the truth my friend!

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  3. I just tell it as it is, not in any huge soul baring way, but if I'm having a down day I'm not going to pretend otherwise. I tried to pretend to be happy but it took so much effort. Sometimes we just have to say, 'Actually I'm having a poop day'.

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  4. Oh definitely I keep an even face if it isn't a friend. You have to keep things going you know, for the order of the universe. On the other hand I am honest. If I'm having a crappy day I say it and make a joke out of it. I have a friend who is TOO honest and tells everyone she has cramps and bloating etc.

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  5. I tend to first ask myself, "Do I *want* to actually discuss whatever it is that's making me not fine with this person?" And if the answer's no, I just say, "Fine" or some vague comment like, "Oh, you know, the super-glamorous life of mom, right?" that doesn't invite follow up questions.

    If I wouldn't mind discussing how I'm feeling in more depth I'll give them a more honest answer but try to phrase it in a way that makes it okay for them not to follow up if they're busy or not up for talking right then like, "Well, I'm a bit stressed. You know how life can be a juggling act." Then they can either initiate a conversation or say something like, "I hear ya!" and move on.

    For me it's not so much about honesty and dishonesty as it is about if there's a mutual desire to exchange more than meaningless pleasantries.

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  6. Hey girl! I'm a twin momma too! I'm with you too! I just posted a new post about today being a hard day. You know what I asked myself before I posted it? Will it make my blog seem too depressing? Should I keep the post for a bit? **sigh** I'm right there with you. Great post!

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  7. My response is not "fine". I just say, "I'm still moving." Because I do cope, sometimes I'm very happy, but sometimes I know this too shall pass.

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  8. It's a reflex to just say "fine" even when we are not. We need a few good friends who can see through that!

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