A friend texted me today for some potty training advice. Now why on earth she chose to call me is beyond my comprehension as I am the world's worst potty trainer. No really I sucked at it and I have PTSD from the time when my son smeared poop all over his room every single day at nap time. My advice was to stop buying wine by the bottle and go for the box stuff.
Anyone can help you with practical advice but I'm the kind of friend that will arm you with strategies to help you get through it. Plus you know, I suck at potty training and really I have no real advice to offer.
How many other times have you be in a situation and needed some practical advice? There are some tough phases of parenting that you just need to survive the day. It's ok we've all been there. Here's some help in those situations.
My baby won't sleep - Nope and nothing I say to you will convince you to try something new until you are truly desperate. Until then wake up Daddy occasionally so you can go to sleep.
My kid is a picky eater - Mine too, and nothing and I do, I mean nothing works on her. Not cooking with me, not helping me plan the meals, not growing the food, NOTHING! Let this battle go. My suggestion is to make one thing that your picky eater will eat and then the rest of dinner is a choice. They can chose to eat or they can chose to be hungry. We are finally seeing some progress with our picky eater on this path, maybe it will work for you too.
My kid insists on listening to pop music - Oh Taylor Swift, how I hate you these days. My kid finally succumbed to pop music peer pressure and my ears are bleeding from the noise. Buy headphones, you cannot win this battle. They play that crap music at school!
My kid won't clean his room - I feel you on this one. I am a meanie mom, I set a timer and whatever is not put away when the timer goes off goes in the attic for an unknown amount of time. Basically until I feel like they've earned it back. I forgot all about it. I've only had to put away toys once, they know I mean business now.
We are never messy!
My kid sucks his thumb - Mine too, all three of them. Embrace spending thousands of dollars on braces, the damage is already done. Short of cutting off their thumbs I don't think anything but time or permanent retainers will solve this problem.
My kids don't listen to me - Yeah no kids do all the time, just like adults darn humans. Get eye contact and have them repeat it back to you when it's important. Best way to get your kid's attention is to whisper or talk on the phone. Also if you need your kids to come to the kitchen just grab a bag of chips and they'll come running. They can't hear their name being called but trust me they will hear the chip bag. M&Ms work too.
You probably won't find these sarcastic parenting advice gems in any other parenting book but I do swear by them. Now I did offer to bring my friend some wine tonight and hang out so I'm not a horrible friend. Just a mom who's been there and knows that potty training takes time, patience, and wine for when you're out of patience.